


The Trouble With Arachnids

by MissKita



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Fluff and Humor, M/M, Phobias, Short & Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-04-06 19:14:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14063643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissKita/pseuds/MissKita
Summary: Gladiolus learns the hard way that Ignis is afraid of spiders, but he has a secret too.





	The Trouble With Arachnids

Gladiolus sped through the streets of Insomnia.

He had been out for an afternoon jog at one of his favorite parks when everything went wrong.

One second he was talking to his boyfriend through his wireless headset about Book 5 of the Midnight and Sapphire Chronicles, the next second, Ignis let out a horrible scream, and there was the sound of glass breaking.

The fear in that scream was all it took for Gladiolus to run full-tilt back to his car (five miles in two and a half minutes), jump in and tear through the city on his way to Ignis’ apartment.

He gripped the steering wheel so hard, it was beginning to crack under his grip. He’d put on the sirens that were meant to be used during royal emergencies. The car whipped through traffic, cutting across lanes until he got off of the freeway and took the exit that would take him to Ignis’ place.

As soon as he pulled up, he forced the car into park, hastily unbuckled, jumped out, slammed the door, and ran into the building. He didn’t bother waiting for an elevator. He took the stairs three at a time without even breaking a sweat.

All seemed normal and well outside of the apartment. There were no alarms, no chaos. He knocked sharply on the door, calling Ignis’ name while selecting the spare key on his key ring. He knocked once more before jamming the key in the lock and pushing the door open.

“Iggy?!” Gladiolus screamed, stomping through the apartment. He scanned the living room as he passed through — nothing was out of place. “Iggy?!”

“In the kitchen!” Ignis replied.

Sure enough, that’s where he found him.

It was a peculiar site. Ignis Scientia, royal advisor and right-hand to the future crown, was sitting on his tabletop, with his feet in a chair, clutching a wok like a weapon. His green eyes locked with Gladiolus, and his fearful expression flickered from relief to embarrassment. The floor was littered with broken glass from what appeared to be a baking dish and an assortment of vegetables.

“Are you OK?” Gladiolus asked, scanning any visible part of his lover’s body for injuries.

Ignis moaned in shame and hid his face behind the wok. “Don’t look at me.”

“Iggy, what the hell is going on?” He walked over to Ignis and offered his hand. “Here, baby, get down from there. Give me that.”

“No. I need it in case it shows up again,” Ignis said, holding the wok to his chest. His eyes narrowed and his voice dropped dramatically. “And it will. It most certainly will return to torment me again.”

“You ain’t making sense.”

“It—AHHH THERE IT IS!!!” Ignis scrambled back, drawing his feet up onto the tabletop.

Gladiolus whipped around in time to see a big black spider crawling across Ignis’ food covered floor as if it owned the place. “A spider, Iggy? All of this is about Charlotte’s Web over here?”

“JUST KILL IT!” Ignis shrieked, hiding his face behind the wok again. “KILL THAT FOUL ARACHNID!”

Gladiolus had the sense of self-preservation not to laugh at him. He crossed the kitchen, being careful not to startle the furry black creature. He crouched down and laid his hand palm up. The spider paused. He wiggled his fingers in encouragement.

It dutifully crawled into his hand, it’s little feet tickling his skin.

“Hey, little guy. You're kinda cute aren't you?” He gently stroked it with the pad of his index finger, causing it to flex its legs. “Yes you are, aren’t you?”

“Are you _cooing at a bloody spider?”_ Ignis hissed incredulously, peering over the wok with murder in his eyes.

“It's more afraid of you than you are of it.”

“Nonsense. That is just an empty platitude and you know it.”

Gladiolus shrugged and pulled himself to his feet. The spider was standing completely still in his large palm. It’s eight large eyes stared at him. Yep. This thing was adorable.

“Why…why are you bloody _carrying_ it?” Ignis said. He was still curled up on the table and holding the wok for dear life.

Gladiolus wrapped his fingers around the spider loosely to keep it in place. “It’s kinda adorable. I'm caught up in its web.”

“You know what spiders do to things in their web?! _They bloody eat them, Gladio!_ Get rid of it, this instant!” Ignis’ voice was reaching a fever pitch he’d never heard before, and he didn’t want to torture his own eardrums, the spider, or Ignis any longer. He told Ignis he’d be right back, left the apartment to put the thing into the wild.

When he returned, Ignis was cleaning up the floor. He’d already gotten his ruined food off the floor and was sweeping the glass up into a pile. Gladiolus sauntered over quietly, light on his feet so that his approach was undetectable.

He slipped up behind him, sliding his arms around his waist. “You OK?”

Ignis shook his head. “I feel like an idiot. Forgive me for yelling. I’m quite sorry that I scared you and made you come running to save me as if I were some damsel in distress.”

He pressed his lips to Ignis’ cheek then trailed down to his jawline, peppering little kisses as he spoke. “You didn’t make me do anything. I came because I love you.”

Ignis huffed in reply, though he tilted his head to expose more flesh for kissing. “Still, if I hadn’t screamed as if I was being murdered, you wouldn’t be here right now. Can you believe it? That I’m terrified of spiders?”

“Hey, arachnophobia is legit. Is it just spiders, or other bugs, too?”

“Cockroaches that fly...why do they have to exist? Why did nature decide to create such useless, horrifying creatures?”

Ignis had tension still radiating in him. He knew Ignis wouldn’t be able to live this down anytime soon. He’d replay it in his mind and feel embarrassed about being seen in such an undignified state. If his stranglehold on the broom handle was any indication, Ignis was gonna be in a bad mood for hours because of this.

Gladiolus squeezed his shoulder. “Tell you what, why don’t you relax while I cook some lunch?”

From the corner of his eye, Ignis’ green eyes met his skeptically. “But your run…”

Gladiolus gave him a reassuring smile, with dimples on display for maximum effectiveness. Ignis didn’t give up the reign of his home kitchen easily. “I’d already gone a few miles. It’s cool. Besides, I was gonna pop by anyway.”

“Are you certain?” Ignis’ bottom lip was plump in a stiff pout.

Gladiolus kissed him. As Ignis melted into his arms, he eased the broom out of his hands. “I always mean what I say. Go chill out. And I better not get back and see you cooking.”

“Drat,” Ignis spoke against his mouth. “You know me so well.”

“That’s why we’re perfect for each other.”

“My wonderful, giant sap. My knight in...jogging pants.” Ignis wrapped his arms around Gladiolus’ neck and kissed deeper. Maybe it was the spider scare, but Ignis kissed with an intensity he usually reserved for late nights after a bottle of wine and hours of flirtation and teasing. The smooch went on for several minutes before Gladiolus pried himself away, insisting that he needed to bathe before any food or hanky panky.

After taking a quick shower, Gladiolus slipped into a set of clothes he usually kept at Ignis’ apartment. Then he cooked lunch for Ignis while his boyfriend laid on the couch mindlessly watching episodes of The Summoners of Spira to relax his nerves.

Gladiolus carried two plates of pasta with Gongagan sausage, sun-dried tomatoes and broccoli to the coffee table. After Ignis showered him with no less than 10 compliments on his cooking and Perfect Boyfriend™ status, they ate in relative silence, while pressing their shoulders and knees together.

As one episode ended and they waited for the next to load, Gladiolus put his fork down and regarded Ignis with a sly grin. “You know, I have a phobia, too. Drove me crazy when Iris was a little girl and was going through a doll phase…”

“I’m listening,” Ignis said, putting down his plate. He drew a knee under himself and turned his entire body toward Gladiolus, fixing him with a curious stare. “Divulge your deepest darkest secret so I can feel better about myself.”

“I’m scared of dolls,” Gladiolus said, shrugging, but his face burned. He’d kept that secret close to his chest for years. Ain’t nobody checking for a Shield who is afraid of children’s toys.

“Dolls?”

“Yeah. All of them. They ain’t natural, Iggy. Sometimes I feel like they’re watching me. I hate the ones that blink, and the ones with glass faces. Don’t get me started on the ones with voice boxes. Why do they make them up to look like adults? Why do they have so much makeup on a baby? And ugh, the ones that cry or poop and pee. And the stares, Iggy. The stares.”

“Are you serious?” Smirking, Ignis placed a hand on his knee. “My darling, you’re serious aren’t you?”

“Yep. One time, Iris left one of her dolls in my room as a prank. I summoned my sword and sliced the thing in half, and took out half of my bed along with it.”

Ignis laughed softly. “You have to be joking.”

“I’d never joke about this, Iggy.”

“You wonderful, ridiculous man,” Ignis said, squeezing his knee. He gave Gladiolus a look so tender and soft that it made him blush. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”

“Didn’t want you feeling like you were alone in having a phobia. At least spiders are kinda creepy because of the legs and eyes. And how they just show up on ya. You know how much my ass would get reamed if the Kingsglaive and Crownsguard folks knew I was afraid of toys? My dad would disown me and Iris would have to become Noct’s Shield. King Regis would be all like ‘A Shield can’t protect by standing still...”

“Hardly!” Ignis laughed. “Don’t fret. Your secret is safe with me, my love. Here, let me give you a gift for your assistance this afternoon….” Ignis waggled his fingers. Gladiolus knew what that meant. Massage time.

The next episode played, as Gladiolus rested his head in Ignis’ lap. As they watched Summoner Seymour spar with other contestants, Gladiolus purred at Ignis’ luxurious fingers massaging his scalp.

“Any other bugs you're afraid of? I gotta make sure to save you every time so you'll pamper me more often.”

Ignis lips were wet and soft on his cheek. “Let's not tempt fate. Besides, if I pampered you too much, you would be too soft to Shield.”

“Uh huh. I should quit my duty and let you make plump with decadent meals and three-hour massages.”

“Don't let King Regis or your father hear you say that. I will not be to blame for the Shield of the future king going AWOL.”

“No worries. I can have my cake and eat it too when you’re around. You’re the best, Iggy.”

“Conserve your flattery. You already saved me from a dastardly critter. No need to pile it on.”

“Can't help it.” Gladiolus grinned. As he stared at the TV, he noticed a small black speck scuttling beside a bookshelf. A teeny weeny spider. Made sense. It was springtime and bugs liked to get into nooks and crannies. Ignis continued to massage his scalp and contently watch the episode. He clearly didn't see the small bug.

“....you agree, right?”

Gladiolus winced. He’d missed something Ignis was saying. “Huh?”

“I was talking about our plans for next week. Is something the matter?”

“Nope,” Gladiolus said, all while watching the tiny spider disappear out of sight. “I was just...distracted by your magic fingers.”

His falsehood earned him a kiss on the cheek. Gladiolus never intentionally lied to Ignis, but it was for his boyfriend’s own good. And the spider’s.


End file.
